they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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