He felt like a one man threesome
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
