There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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