it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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