home. puking in laundry basket.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
