He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
