me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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