i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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