'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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