dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
