hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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