we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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