do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
