We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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