saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
