People in love make me want to vomit
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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