Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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