I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
