The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How naked do you want me to be?
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