he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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