my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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