P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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