I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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