I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
