I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
