Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
