Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
