Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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