I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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