i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
