I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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