I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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