Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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