you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
