There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize