At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
