I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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