My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
