Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
