If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
