first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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