My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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