Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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