her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
