We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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