redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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