you would pick up someone in the library
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
