This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
