chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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