i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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