So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
