He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
