it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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