woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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