Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
