Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
