it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize