Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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