This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
