Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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