anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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