I can text with my tongue
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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