Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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