I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
